Forgive? SAY WHAT?!?!

This past year, has admittedly been the toughest in the "ships" area- that is friendSHIPS and relationSHIPS. Lots of things happened this year that changed (for the good & the bad- depending on the person) my ships with family, friends, and everyone in between. It's easy to look at the glass half empty and say "Man, my life sucks with all these changes in ships" but I'm trying to be a half glass full kind of girl. I have chosen to look at all of these changes as a blessing in disguise. Let me explain... Like most people, it has always been extremely easy, too easy, for me to hold a grudge against someone who has wronged me in some way. But because of the struggles I have had in my ships this year, I have been blessed to figure out how to let go of grudges and learn how to forgive.

In the past, if someone wronged me or said something that hurt my feelings or offended me in some way, i would emotionally react in a way that was not positive at all. Three stages to be exact. The first stage was to feel sorry for myself and mope around obsessing about the situation. The second stage was rage- reminding myself about all the things I disliked about the person so that it would make it easier to come to terms with the change of the ship. Finally, the last stage was to feel indifferent- or so I thought. I could never really seem to truly be indifferent. I could tell my friends or my mom that I was over it, but deep down I still held a grudge filled with extreme dislike, or hate in certain situations, or just down right sadness. And I have realized this year that all of that stays with u; it is a monkey on your back that you can't get off no matter how hard you try. And it weighs you down and it bleeds into your other ships. Or so it used to for me!

I want to clarify that I am not saying that I have learned some magic recipe that makes you immune to feelings. That's not the case at all. But I have learned 2 very important things that I want to share.

First, forgiveness is NOT AT ALL about the other person; but rather, ALL ABOUT YOU! If you cannot forgive someone, it is going to be like a virus and poison you from the inside out. I used to say "Oh i will never forgive that person for as long as I live" or "I will remember that until the day I die" because I thought that by saying that I was somehow hurting the person because they would know that I would never allow myself to forget what they did. But I have discovered that holding onto the past and holding grudges only hurts you in the end.

The second realization I had came via a book called The Shack by Wm. Paul Young. I am not going to give the book away, but I do need to explain a little bit so that you understand the quotes I am going to post. This book is about a man who cannot let go of the past; he is holding a grudge and it is poisoning him. Anyways, I read something that just hit home for me and has really reaffirmed my "new" thinking on holding grudges and holding any type of ill feelings for anyone in your heart: The main character, Mack, is talking to God and says "I just cannot forget what he did" to which God replies "Forgiveness is not about forgetting. It is about letting go of the other person's throat." This goes to what I said about that sometimes we hold onto a grudge because we don't want to forget what that person did, but its so not about that. Its about releasing the rage, the hurt, the bad feelings you have for that other person. I will admit that since reading this book when I have thought about a grudge that I have against someone that I can't seem to shake off, I have repeated silently to myself, "Let go of the throat" and I've instantly felt like a burden was lifted off of my shoulders. It's so weird, but super cool!

Before, I leave you, I wanted to share another quote that God says in the book that really made me feel that God intended for me to read this book at this point in my life to just reaffirm what I have been pondering; I really do feel that the Holy Spirit was talking to me through this book. And I really think everyone reading this should pick it up!

"Forgiveness is first for you, the forgiver to release you from something that will eat you alive, that will destroy your joy and your ability to love fully and openly. Do you think this man cares about the pain and the torment you have gone through? If anything, he feeds on that knowledge. Don't you want to cut that off? And in doing so, you will release him from a burden that he carries whether he knows it or not - acknowledges it or not. When you choose to forgive another, you love him as well."