what's the frequency rachel?

let me start by saying that i am not entirely sure i understand myself. i might say that i think something on Wednesday and think the complete opposite by Friday. Does this make me a flip flop? or just a typical 23 year old? who knows? i do know that it is me.

i have felt incredibly cynical and pessimistic today. . . well not all day, but since this evening. i seem to think that a majority of people are completely and utterly full of shit. for some time now, i have found myself listening to people talk to me but not really listening. rather, i am just looking like i am listening because what i am really doing is thinking to myself "god, these people are so fucking fake and full of shit." its alarming how many times i can think this in a day. from the salesperson at a store telling me about some great shirt that just came in that was stitched by workers who get paid fair wages to a good friend telling me a story. part of me wonders if i can even fault people for being so full of shit. i know that life is a journey in which we are constantly getting to know ourselves, figure out what we believe, etc. so maybe i should give these people the benefit of the doubt and say that they are not really bullshitting but that they are instead trying different versions of themselves on to see which one fits best. but right now i dont feel like a pollyanna, i just feel like Holden Caulfied- everyone is a phony. its annoying, and old.

balls just called and i lost my train of thought on the previous paragraph, but i do have something else to say which was a topic we discussed on the phone:

since when did people stop believing that the truth will always come out?? i dont get people that lie. i know i have lied before, but as i have gotten older i have attempted to make a conscious decision to tell the truth whenever possible because the truth will come out no matter how much you try to stifle it. this world is way too small and people talk way too much. how come there always has to be games that are played, battles to be won? it just wastes time and life is too precious for that. . .

im tired of writing.

read me the story

soooooooooooooooo, i really am having the best week ever. thursday i found out that i got into law school, went out and celebrated with my good friend kandice and had a blast. friday i recovered and bummed it until dinner time. then i went to dinner with paul and kandice. i probably shouldnt have because i kept spacing out the entire time. seriously. i just sat there staring at people, thinking, dreaming, just being and taking everything in. its A LOT to take in. well saturday i studied for my lsat because despite the fact i got into school i am going to finish my class and take it in december. if you really want to know why just ask me, but i wont bore yall with that information at this moment. anyways, sunday i went and took my practice test then i came home and listened to records wishing that aliana was here and that we were drinking shitty ass pearl while playing dominos (i LOVE dominos!) Cut to today. I stayed in my pajamas all day so i could be ultra comfy while i did online workshops for my class, caught up on homework, did timed sections. finally around 5 i realized i was being a sloth. so i showered and decided to run errands. Here comes the AMAZING part: Before I left, i checked my mailbox and i had a letter from thomas jefferson. . . . they offered me a scholarship for my first year worth half of my tuition, with the option to renew it for the remaining two years if i stay in good standing! AMAZING! now my parents can have more money for retirement and assing off. =)

life is good! this week can ONLY get better!

and seriously kids! listen up!! these lyrics from a song are words i try to live by. i think they help explain little ole me. good day! =)

"I will never cease to fly if held down and I will always reach too high"

understand the things i say.

i love the song "ode to my family" by the cranberries. . . it reminds me of high school. of times when i didnt have a care in the whole world. i still dont really have any serious resposibilities. still no real cares in the world. . . sometimes i get this feeling my tummy. its not nervousness. i dont know how to explain it. its like this excited feeling. the best way i can explain it is like this- you know when you get onto a roller coaster and you are making your first big climb right before the drop. and you get that feeling in ur tummy that makes you think "ahhh, i want off!" and your heart starts racing but in a good way. and the next thought in your brain is "god the feeling is going to be incredible when i make the drop" thats how i feel! i just feel excited. about what? i have no idea. life? life is one big ride and its f'in amazing. you dont know whats coming up next but u just know its going to be wonderful and that everything will work itself out. my life is amazing.