Dear K

go eff yourself.

What We Lost In Law School

as my law school career is coming to a close, ive already begun reflecting on everything i have learned while in it- about the law, about people, about myself. this blog entry is about myself- who would have thought, right?!?! HA!

overall in the past 3 years i have learned VOLUMES about myself. in law school, u are constantly analyzing everything- the why's, the who's, the how come's. it is inevitable that this process will bleed into every area of your life. for someone like me, this is a God send. let me briefly explain why:

a few months before i graduated from college, back in 2005, i didnt know what i wanted to do and i was barely coming into my own. i was @ a crossroad of sorts.... i remember lying in the living room with my mom and telling her that i hated that i didnt know whether i could think for myself. i didnt know if i "believed" what i "believed" because i was taught it, because the people around me believed it, or because i really did believe. i was not referring to religion because after re-reading that sentence it can imply that. what i was referring to was EVERYTHING! i told her that i didnt even know if my favorite color was really mine or someone else's that i claimed as my own.

cut to present day: i am a completely different person than i was back in that memory. i know what i believe in and think about things and i can tell you exactly why. i love that about myself, especially when i think about how just 4 years ago i was the exact opposite.

however, we dont always come out of every experience loving every part of it. hence, the reason for writing this blog. given that law school is extremely, brutally, incredibly difficult, it is super hard (at least for me) to balance everything: classes, homework, family, friends, your health, your sanity, and YOUR SENSE OF STYLE.

i feel like i lost my sense of style in law school. and that sucks. before law school, i used to really care about what i looked like from my hair, to my makeup, to my clothes, to my shoes, to everything... and not for some dumb reason like i cared what others thought of me, but rather because it was just something i loved. it came easy for me... but now, it seems like one more thing to cross off on the "to do" list. its a chore. its a chore to get ready in the morning and do my hair, and my makeup, and find a cute outfit with the right shoes, especially when there are other things that are more important like school work. but are they really?! i mean in order for me to function at my maximum potential i have to take care of myself and be happy. but as we all do when we have more pressing things to worry about, i shove that thought out of my head as quickly as it came in. i HATE that ive allowed this to happen to myself. i mean i honestly dont even care what i look like when i leave the house anymore. wearing the same pair of jeans, flip flops, and white or grey american apparel shirt everyday with my hair pulled up in an ugly ponytail might bother some, but it doesnt bother me and THAT bothers me. i want to take pride in how i look, but i dont want it to be a chore..... how does that happen when you havent paid yourself any mind for so long??

decisions decisions...

very rarely in life do we have to make life changing decisions. we make lots of trivial decisions that likely wont affect our life in any monumental way. but every once in a while, we are all in a position (like the image above) where we must choose a certain path that will affect our lives in a HUGE way. that is where i am at right now... what to do after graduation.

i know i know, graduation is 5 months away. to most that seems like a long time, but it really isnt! i also know that there are a lot of little things (passing community property, taking the mpre, passing the fall semester to name a few) i need to get done before that date that i should be stressing about instead since they are approaching sooner. but the field i am going into doesnt work that way. you must plan and be organized or you will get screwed in the end- just take a look @ my professional responsibility grade if you dont believe me ;-)

i am struggling over my decision of whether to take the california bar and stay in cali or move somewhere else- likely back to texas, but possibly somewhere else like new york. there are pros and cons to each of these decisions and they pretty much even out. i have seriously been praying to God asking him to help me see which decision would be the best one for me, but i have not heard anything back from Him yet. similarly, i dont have a gut feeling about which choice i should make either and that is really really abnormal for me- i get gut feelings about EVERYTHING!!

i get really scared when i think about what i want to do because i know that whatever choice i make is going to shape me and change me in different ways. i dont want to make the wrong decision. you see, im pretty confident about the person that i want to be- the goals i have, what i want out of life, the type of woman that i want to be- and im afraid that im gonna make a decision that will change all of that. i dont mean change because i want them to (because i would be okay with that) but rather because of the situation i am in (which i would not be okay with).

part of me wishes that someone could make the decision for me or that i could toss a coin and base my decision off of that, but then i realize that allowing that would just be BAD news! i have to decide this for myself and im scared. and as i sit here and write this, i think a big part of the reason why im scared is because if i make the wrong choice, i will have no one to blame but myself... accountability of one's actions has always been my strong suit. i will be the first to own my behavior, good or bad. maybe that trait is why i am so scared- ill have no one to blame but myself...

sentttt

i just sent something off. keep ur fingers crossed people. i will keep you posted with more details once i find out the results.

Ch-ch-check It Out!!!

Click to make bigger if you cannot read it! :-)

yayers

i'm officially half way done with my directed study paper. YAY!!

the end.

marathon. HA!

so there will be no marathon blogging today because instead of taking intro to mediation, i decided that i would try to get a directed study instead. lets hope Professor W. writes me back and allows me to do one with her. and lets really hope she allows me to expand on the paper i wrote in the fall because that would make it so much easier!!

saturday

tomorrow i start my intro to mediation course. 1 saturday and 3 sundays. 9-4. im told that this class is easy and a good way to get 2 credits knocked out of the way. not to mention that it is practical... i have also heard that it is extremely boring. with that being said, i think i decided that i am going to begin marathon blogging during each class... until tomorrow at 9 kiddos. :-)

3L

last night i had my evidence test. it was hard, really hard. the class is 4 units and it can make or break what happens next year. i hope it makes it and doesnt break it because i really do want to be debt free when i finish school. . . last night i also became a 3L. I officially have one year of school left. that is CRAZY!!!! im so superstitious though; i feel that by saying these things out loud or talking about them too much is going to somehow jinx it all! so with that, i will stop and go do something that is unproductive because i deserve it.

btw, to all my fellow classmates reading this, congratulations on either ending finals or becoming a 3L! :-*

Open Letter

I am gonna pull a Candy Spelling and write an open letter. So here it is:

Dear Professional Responsibility,

I cannot even begin to explain the ways that I hate you as there is not enough time in the world to do that. I think that you are so lame because you are so damn ambiguous. Pick a side; things should be in black and white, not gray. But no, you are too much of a pansy to man up and be straightforward. Did I mention how much I loathe you? When I first encountered you, I thought we would have a great time together; that you would some how be able to lift me up, teach me right from wrong, and explain the ways of the legal world. But you have managed to do none of that. After knowing you for about 4 months, which is the longest relationship I have had in quite some time, I want you to know that you taught me nothing. Wait, I take that back, you did manage to teach me that if I stay in California to practice, that I cannot force my clients to have sex with me if they want my representation. You are a good for nothing waste of time. I hate you and I want the hours on Mondays and Wednesday from 1:00-2:15 that I wasted on you back. I feel sorry for all the other people that will have to encounter you after I. I hate you, you piece of shit. Fuck off and die.

Worst Regards,

Rachel

grind my gears

this is a rant blog so if you don't like cuss words or rants in general then stop reading NOW!

what the fuck do people NOT get about keeping quiet in a fucking library?! i seriously do not get why every fucking time i come to do work here, and no matter where i sit, some fucktard near me has to fucking have diarrhea of the mouth. maybe their idiot parents never took them to the library when they were a child, maybe they are hard of hearing, but u know what i honestly do not give a fuck what the reason is! most people going to school here are at least 25 years old. shouldnt they know by now that a library is a place to study not a place to yap their chompers about their latest crush- who by the way will never like them because no guy likes a girl who wont shut the fuck up!! i fucking hate IDIOTS who talk in the library. go fuck yourselves assholes!

and this is a little note to all the artards who listen to their music on fucking high, i hope ur hearing goes early for you that way when ur sorry ass is in court you wont be able to hear anything and will never object and make an ass out of urself every fucking time ur pathetic piece of shit excuse of a self enters the courtroom!

and for my favorite asshole of the library, the "security" guards. why dont u worry less about whether or not my drink is in the proper container and stop staring at every female you walk by (heads up asshole, she will NEVER go for you. EVER!) Concentrate a little more on patrolling the garage and lots so that assholes dont scratch or ding peoples cars?! and yes, as a matter of fact, i did open the fucking window because surprise surprise this library is like a fucking oven! there wasnt another person within a mile at the time, do u think it grew arms and opened itself? wait, on second thought, u probably do.

wow, i feel better now.

halfway there.

im halfway to the top of my Everest. i seriously never thought i would see that coming. just last week i was in the kitchen with D nearly crying because i felt so lost and defeated. but now i am beginning to see the top of it and man, it feels good! i can already tell that this week is going to be extremely hard. the paper is due on tuesday and i want to submit at least 2 more drafts before friday so i am going to be very busy, very tired, and very stressed.

speaking of the trio, finals begin in two weeks. i will be done december 15th and will officially be one year away, 2 semesters, away from graduating and becoming a lawyer! i seriously cannot believe that. it doesnt seem real. it so strange to say the words out loud. i dont think, no i know, that i dont give myself enough credit for all of the blood sweat and tears that i do, but it feels so freakin awesome to know that i am doing something and about to enter into a profession that in reality, only a small percentage of this population do. it excites me to know that i am following one of my passions. i think that next semester is going to be amazing. i am really looking forward to two of my four classes- intro to mediation and trial practice. both of them are going to be extremely useful and practical. it would be a awesome if i could get off the waitlist and into wills and trusts.


it is only 10 more days away from thanksgiving. one of my favorite holidays. its going to be a great day spent with friends who have become family and last chance to relax before the hell known as finals begin. . . i know its more than a few days early, but i am so thankful for the life that i have. i am so blessed and so are all the people that i love. i really couldnt ask for more.

woof woof

does anyone know if they sell muzzles for humans?

if so, please let me know because i would like to give some to people as Christmas presents because some people dont know when to shut the fuck up. so if i could just put a muzzle on them whenever they popped off @ the mouth, then maybe that would remind them to shut the fuck up. . . i also figure that will count as my good deed for the year.

im being completely serious.


:-)

KOL

here is whats been going on with me these past two weeks:

my parents came to visit and we had a BLAST!!! they come again on tuesday and that makes me happy :-)

ive been in midterms ever since they left which was about 2 weeks ago. i killed my international trade and developing countries midterm! i havent gotten the grade back yet, but i just know i fucking nailed it! as for evidence and pr- the jury is still out.

i found out that my sister is having a baby boy and this really excites me!! Check out this endearing picture of her husband and the baby. I love it!

finally, i get some relief- tomorrow is the kings of leon, stills, and we are scientists concert. you have NO idea how stoked i am about this. three of my all time favorite bands! its insane because i saw was about three months ago at the casbah which is a really small venue here in san diego and now they are on tour with a huge band playing at a pretty big venue!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HHhhcKxflMY


oh, and i have come to the conclusion that acqua vista (where i live) has gone ghetto. last night i saw my fat ghetto neighbor fucking on his balcony. GROSS!!!! maybe it wont be so bad if the owners dont want to renew my lease. ;-)

Does this sound like you???

Its not very often that when doing homework I read about something that interests me. It is less often that I read about something and then want to talk about it later. AND even less often than that that I read something that makes me laugh. . . that all changed tonight when reading PR (that is Professional Responsibility for you lay persons out there):

"Depression is not the only emotional impairment that seems to be more prevalent among lawyers than among the general population. A 1996 Washington study found indicia of anxiety, social alienation and isolation, obsessive-compulsiveness, paranoid ideation, interpersonal sensitivity, phobic anxiety, and hostility in 'alarming' rates among lawyers - I would argue this applies to law students as well ;-) - rates many times the national norms." I wonder though about all the paranoid, anxious, control freak, crazy people that I know that are not in law school; maybe they missed their true calling?

"Lawyers - again I would argue law students as well - appear to be prodigious drinkers. . . The study of Washington lawyers found that 18% were 'problem drinkers." Now this might help explain why nearly every single picture I have from the last year and half was taken either a) at a bar, b) with a drink in hand, or c) in a pool of vomit. . . just kidding about c!

"The extremely limited information that is available indicates that the physical health of lawyers may not be much better than their emotional health. . ." - Now this i LOVE!!!!- --> "In sum, attorneys seem to be an unhealthy lot!!" <--- that had me rolling on the floor laughing my ass off. . . no really it did, i cant find it!!!!!!

This my friends is what I, and my fellow law students, have to look forward to- if these symptoms have not yet hit us. So for all of you not in law school, consider yourself lucky that you will never become part of "an unhealthy lot."

read me the story

soooooooooooooooo, i really am having the best week ever. thursday i found out that i got into law school, went out and celebrated with my good friend kandice and had a blast. friday i recovered and bummed it until dinner time. then i went to dinner with paul and kandice. i probably shouldnt have because i kept spacing out the entire time. seriously. i just sat there staring at people, thinking, dreaming, just being and taking everything in. its A LOT to take in. well saturday i studied for my lsat because despite the fact i got into school i am going to finish my class and take it in december. if you really want to know why just ask me, but i wont bore yall with that information at this moment. anyways, sunday i went and took my practice test then i came home and listened to records wishing that aliana was here and that we were drinking shitty ass pearl while playing dominos (i LOVE dominos!) Cut to today. I stayed in my pajamas all day so i could be ultra comfy while i did online workshops for my class, caught up on homework, did timed sections. finally around 5 i realized i was being a sloth. so i showered and decided to run errands. Here comes the AMAZING part: Before I left, i checked my mailbox and i had a letter from thomas jefferson. . . . they offered me a scholarship for my first year worth half of my tuition, with the option to renew it for the remaining two years if i stay in good standing! AMAZING! now my parents can have more money for retirement and assing off. =)

life is good! this week can ONLY get better!

and seriously kids! listen up!! these lyrics from a song are words i try to live by. i think they help explain little ole me. good day! =)

"I will never cease to fly if held down and I will always reach too high"