what's the frequency rachel?

let me start by saying that i am not entirely sure i understand myself. i might say that i think something on Wednesday and think the complete opposite by Friday. Does this make me a flip flop? or just a typical 23 year old? who knows? i do know that it is me.

i have felt incredibly cynical and pessimistic today. . . well not all day, but since this evening. i seem to think that a majority of people are completely and utterly full of shit. for some time now, i have found myself listening to people talk to me but not really listening. rather, i am just looking like i am listening because what i am really doing is thinking to myself "god, these people are so fucking fake and full of shit." its alarming how many times i can think this in a day. from the salesperson at a store telling me about some great shirt that just came in that was stitched by workers who get paid fair wages to a good friend telling me a story. part of me wonders if i can even fault people for being so full of shit. i know that life is a journey in which we are constantly getting to know ourselves, figure out what we believe, etc. so maybe i should give these people the benefit of the doubt and say that they are not really bullshitting but that they are instead trying different versions of themselves on to see which one fits best. but right now i dont feel like a pollyanna, i just feel like Holden Caulfied- everyone is a phony. its annoying, and old.

balls just called and i lost my train of thought on the previous paragraph, but i do have something else to say which was a topic we discussed on the phone:

since when did people stop believing that the truth will always come out?? i dont get people that lie. i know i have lied before, but as i have gotten older i have attempted to make a conscious decision to tell the truth whenever possible because the truth will come out no matter how much you try to stifle it. this world is way too small and people talk way too much. how come there always has to be games that are played, battles to be won? it just wastes time and life is too precious for that. . .

im tired of writing.