as my law school career is coming to a close, ive already begun reflecting on everything i have learned while in it- about the law, about people, about myself. this blog entry is about myself- who would have thought, right?!?! HA!
overall in the past 3 years i have learned VOLUMES about myself. in law school, u are constantly analyzing everything- the why's, the who's, the how come's. it is inevitable that this process will bleed into every area of your life. for someone like me, this is a God send. let me briefly explain why:
a few months before i graduated from college, back in 2005, i didnt know what i wanted to do and i was barely coming into my own. i was @ a crossroad of sorts.... i remember lying in the living room with my mom and telling her that i hated that i didnt know whether i could think for myself. i didnt know if i "believed" what i "believed" because i was taught it, because the people around me believed it, or because i really did believe. i was not referring to religion because after re-reading that sentence it can imply that. what i was referring to was EVERYTHING! i told her that i didnt even know if my favorite color was really mine or someone else's that i claimed as my own.
cut to present day: i am a completely different person than i was back in that memory. i know what i believe in and think about things and i can tell you exactly why. i love that about myself, especially when i think about how just 4 years ago i was the exact opposite.
however, we dont always come out of every experience loving every part of it. hence, the reason for writing this blog. given that law school is extremely, brutally, incredibly difficult, it is super hard (at least for me) to balance everything: classes, homework, family, friends, your health, your sanity, and YOUR SENSE OF STYLE.
i feel like i lost my sense of style in law school. and that sucks. before law school, i used to really care about what i looked like from my hair, to my makeup, to my clothes, to my shoes, to everything... and not for some dumb reason like i cared what others thought of me, but rather because it was just something i loved. it came easy for me... but now, it seems like one more thing to cross off on the "to do" list. its a chore. its a chore to get ready in the morning and do my hair, and my makeup, and find a cute outfit with the right shoes, especially when there are other things that are more important like school work. but are they really?! i mean in order for me to function at my maximum potential i have to take care of myself and be happy. but as we all do when we have more pressing things to worry about, i shove that thought out of my head as quickly as it came in. i HATE that ive allowed this to happen to myself. i mean i honestly dont even care what i look like when i leave the house anymore. wearing the same pair of jeans, flip flops, and white or grey american apparel shirt everyday with my hair pulled up in an ugly ponytail might bother some, but it doesnt bother me and THAT bothers me. i want to take pride in how i look, but i dont want it to be a chore..... how does that happen when you havent paid yourself any mind for so long??
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